The big light is off, and the lamp is on. The shade dulls the light giving the room a dim glow. Giving the white walls an almost yellowish glow. Sometimes a gush of night time air will brush past my face. The steady rhythm and soft, deep, lyrics lull me into a relaxed state.
My heads up in the clouds, as per. My thoughts are taking the back roads, but they always end up at the same destination: Crushing Loneliness.
I want to enjoy this with somebody. Make new friends, find a girlfriend. I just can't do it, I struggle to talk to other people.
Why did her departure leave me so shattered? I feel like a broken man, I don't love her anymore and would never want her back. But its hurts to see that shes made new friends, got a new boyfriend and moved on completely. But here I am stuck in the same broken cycle, pining for companionship that I just can't seem to find.
Perhaps my standards are too high, but I find in todays women, in my appropriate age group, is that they're incredibly vain. Almost clueless and often say stupid shit. They're vain and shallow, almost vapid. Its difficult to find a girl who isn't like this, who isn't bothered how often you go out on the piss, or how many friends you've got. Someone who is bothered about my past times, willing to embrace it and try things out, as well as letting me into theirs, letting me put time into it with them.
Someone I can sit on the sofa with whilst watching rubbish TV, but still having the time of my life because I'm sat with them.
Perhaps I'm asking for too much, or perhaps I'm not looking hard enough. Maybe even reading into things too much.
I have no idea, but what I do know is that whinging won't get me anywhere. But still I sit here and wallow.
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