There is a strange satisfaction I seem to get from rolling cigarettes. Everything from pulling the paper out of the ingenious little packet to rolling the tobacco in the paper. Fully in control. The end result being a cigarette so perfectly rolled you often think to yourself how if the cigarette rolling machines ever broke in the big factorys, you could work in the factory and be the best cig roller in the world.
But enough about cigarettes. I often wonder if I think too much, make things worse in my head. Every scenario I think of, i just think of every worst possible outcome for it. Its a terrible mindset to have, but I can't get myself out of it. It all stems from a piece of advice I was given: "Expect the very least from everyone and everything, and you'll never be disappointed". Its such a true statement, the few times I have gotten my hopes up about something, I have always ended up disappointed.
Its horrible to live this way, to expect the least from everything and not being able to trust anyone. People must get the worse view of me, I often wonder how I have friends, I must not be a very optimistic or happy person to be around.
It doesn't matter, I shouldn't care about these things considering I do have friends.
I've been reading a blog called Bored Olives lately, I suggest anyone who is anyone to check it out. Its a beautiful real-life story. I've also noticed a small community gathering around it, and thats nice. Being part of something.
I should go to bed, its difficult to comprehend what I'm typing. I'm too far gone.
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